do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
