It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
