when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
