You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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