there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
