Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
