The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
