ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
