Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My dad just said "fuck circus"
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
