Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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