Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
