Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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