I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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