Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
