I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
