I wanna passion pit in your ass
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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