Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
