i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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