Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
