I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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