thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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