Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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