Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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