I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
