I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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