even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
