meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
