Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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