also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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