the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
