i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
