After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
