and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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