Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
birth control should be required to get into college
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
