the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize