I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
