I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
