nut hugger
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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