dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
