I wannas sexs uuuuu
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
