You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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