i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
my poor anus
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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