he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
