who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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