Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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