there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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