exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
