I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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