plz talk dirty to me
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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