I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
