I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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