Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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