Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
