im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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