it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
