So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
