Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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