the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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