its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
