I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
we should paint friendship bongs
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