Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I have demons in me.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Farmville is her only friend.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
