Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
