when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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