things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
