census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
