i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
