There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
