I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
