eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
