I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Randomize
