How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
