I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
