The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Green mimosas i think yes
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize