also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
