Plan B is the new Plan A
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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