Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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