Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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