I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
