Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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