Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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