I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
