we have officially lost it.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize