tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
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