But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You were trust falling into bushes
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
