i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
how do you play pong handcuffed?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Randomize
