just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
