I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
