You smell like a Billy Joel song
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
