I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
