Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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