i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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