So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
