stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
