Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
